He couldn’t grip the idea of a solitary life style for more than a year. The year that he found himself in just began and already he was scared, alone, and bored. Nature for him was an escape, an experiment. To be with himself he knew not how to deal with the conversations with himself. He was doing a good job, never letting any agreement or argument get the better of him. Nature in rhetoric is a fantasy that is never understood in whole, but perceived through previous experiences. For him going to Africa was an opportunity to be with animals that he had once forgot, to be part of a people and community that he enjoyed. His naivety behind his misunderstanding and cockiness made him feel apart from his own interpretations of friendship and love. He knew now that his decision to come here was a sacrifice but he did not know he was making this sacrifice. Sacrificing his personality in order to change through a controlled understanding of himself. Being able to not front anymore made him feel more whole than he had ever before, he understood that growing could mean action in daily exercises. The lack of motivation in the morning forced him to stay in slumber near the cold draft entering through the curtains.

Wanting to become part of a project that help tend to the needs of the land creating a junction in which he found himself needing to be helped also. His life until this point had been in a social setting, big cities with only pockets of corridors of nature. Never had he before experienced the beauty of living with more than 15 species of mammals and a unrecorded amount of avian species that migrate throughout these winter months. Daily his silence is followed by deep thoughts in a meditated state that only makes him more consciousness of his breathing. Through the week his loneliness drains his personality, a rift is turned into a void of happiness and contentment. He knows not how he can make it in a life as such as the one he has promised to live, he didn’t think that this experience was going to be about himself, but more of his work. The two cannot be separated from each other for now he knows that his work is himself and that without him much of this ecological project would not exist. The land that he has grown to love does not feel as alone, he understands that to feel a distinct division between the differences in the lifestyles he wants to live and the one he lives is selfish. That he too is part of the modern disease, living in his own head and not in the land in which makes his thoughts. He is trying hard to immerse himself into the “integrity {that} is wholeness, the greatest beauty is organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and things, the divine beauty of the universe” by un-centering his mind from himself he will be able to be successful and find that each day is more part of him that he part of it. And he to will be “as the rock and ocean that we are made from.”

Quotations from Robinson Jeffers, Carmel Point